I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
