if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
