You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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