I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
