U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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