saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
