I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
either way he was missing a nipple.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
