i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
