Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
