haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
