How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
