guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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