holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
