but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
