Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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