i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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