I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
