I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
