Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
