Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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