she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
