The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
