good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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