she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
