Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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