Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize