Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
