I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
