I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize