I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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