I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
