If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
