Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh god it's open bar.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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