you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
