That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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