I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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