Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
