Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
