Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just tell him i said nine months
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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