wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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