for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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