I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
