This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
