a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
