It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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