I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
