thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
