Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
