things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
