your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
