Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
