Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
