So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
