I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
