you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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