why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
