You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
