Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
