Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
