I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
