I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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