I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
