hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
