last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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