You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
