Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
