I hate all girls vehemently.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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