it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
