I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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