you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
