ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
