She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
