Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
