Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
