My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
