currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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