she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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