Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
