her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
