why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
