we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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